Courtesy of Leonard Ford -- A year and a half ago, The Onion published a hilarious piece about a
hypothetical five-bladed Gillette razor. Now CNN/Money has an article about
Gillette's new five-bladed razor. The kicker is, the new razor actually sounds a whole lot like the monstrosity described in The Onion. Do I smell an intellectual property dispute?
Dude, thanks for the credit for the news stories. But now the post has been marred by blog spam! THE HORROR!!
ReplyDeleteBlog spam -- delteted. I mean, uh, deleted. :-)
ReplyDeleteNow, if I remember correctly, I sent that Onion article to Len when it came out as a prime example of our shared love for bombastic rhetoric (into which, admittedly, Len breaks out more often than myself). It's still one of my all-time favorites.
ReplyDeleteMy favorite lines from "Fuck Everything, We're Doing Five Blades Now":
ReplyDelete1) "But you know what happened next? Shut up, I'm telling you what happened..."
2) "Are they the best a man can get? Fuck, no. Gillette is the best a man can get."
3) "Make the blades so thin they're invisible. Put some on the handle. I don't care if they have to cram the fifth blade in perpendicular to the other four, just do it!"
4) "You're taking the 'safety' part of 'safety razor' too literally, grandma."
5) "If you aren't on board, then fuck you. And if you're on the board, then fuck you and your father."
6) "The day I shadow a penny-ante outfit like Bic is the day I leave the razor game for good, and that won't happen until the day I die!"
7) "'You'll be so smooth, I could snort lines off of your chin.'"
8) "I know what you're thinking now: What'll people say? Mew mew mew."
9) "Open your mouth, baby birds, cause Mama's about to drop you one sweet, fat nightcrawler."
10)"Just key the music, and call the chorus girls, because we're on the edge—the razor's edge—and I feel like dancing."
Genius.