Sunday, June 15, 2008

The Law of the Father

Via Sullivan, Ian (Sandy) Frazier's 1997 "Lamentations of the Father":

When you chew your food, keep your mouth closed until you have swallowed, and do not open it to show your brother or your sister what is within; I say to you, do not so, even if your brother or your sister has done the same to you. Eat your food only; do not eat that which is not food; neither seize the table between your jaws, nor use the raiment of the table to wipe your lips. I say again to you, do not touch it, but leave it as it is. And though your stick of carrot does indeed resemble a marker, draw not with it upon the table, even in pretend, for we do not do that, that is why. And though the pieces of broccoli are very like small trees, do not stand them upright to make a forest, because we do not do that, that is why. Sit just as I have told you, and do not lean to one side or the other, nor slide down until you are nearly slid away. Heed me; for if you sit like that, your hair will go into the syrup. And now behold, even as I have said, it has come to pass.


angela said...

oh. my. goodness. i just read the whole article...laughing, laughing, laughing.

i don't even want to know where you find this stuff--it's better getting it as a nugget of fun in google reader!

PoN said...


Verily, so shall the father speak so to his progeny!